It's hard to be a working mom. The title itself is a misnomer, because every mom is a working mom, and it's the hardest job out there. Being a mom means a constant and steady physical, mental and emotional workload that wears you down with it's never-ending demands. It's very hard to shut down, unplug and relax. And then there is the guilt that we must wrestle with; the worry that we aren't doing enough, that Jane down the street is doing a better job with her kids, that we are falling behind somehow. Worry is a useless exercise. It's much better to put our energy into what we can control than what we can't. In my mind I understand this quite clearly, but emotionally I struggle with mothering guilt more than I'd care to admit.
Yesterday I longed for the simplicity of life before I added an outside job. Working outside of the home for a mom provides many positive things - income, freedom, independence from kids for a few hours, and new challenges which stretch us and help us grow. My job provides all of these things and more. The downside is less time to accomplish what you need to do at home for your family (and give up chances to grab a few minutes for yourself), having a boss to answer to, and added stress of thinking about your workload when you are already stressed by the 24/7 nature of the work required with your kids.
Every day that I get Ava to school, William to his dayhome and myself to work, is a day I breathe a sigh of relief because I feel like I pulled a fast one. I made it. But at any moment, any link in the chain could fall and I've got to figure out another way to get my work done. If either kid is sick, I'm calling my boss and working from home, hoping that's not going to cause any issues at work that day. If my dayhome provider is sick or away (or her kids are sick), it's the same thing. And even when it all clicks into place and we are where we are supposed to be on those work days, the phone could ring any time and I could be summoned to drop what I'm doing and go get the sick kid or tend to whatever emergency has cropped up. Such is the job description of the mother. It happened yesterday to a couple of friends, a chain reaction of events bringing a mom home from work early to collect her kids, and it made me think of how lucky the dads are to have a singleminded approach to their work, and that ability to focus on their job is because of the stress that the moms feel to be sure the kids are always taken care of.
I love my kids and don't wish them to be out of my life so I can have some more "me" time. I know sometimes it sounds like that here. But I can't deny that my favourite time of the day is bedtime for my girl and boy, when they are fresh from their bath, cuddly in their pj's, and we are reading stories and singing songs. I love the routine of it, but I also love the idea that I will be off for a few hours in the evening to relax and unwind and enjoy the sound of adult voices only, and I won't worry that the phone will ring and I'll be needed to fix a problem somewhere. We are all safe, cozied up in the house, and together. I've pulled a fast one and made it through another day.
You said it perfectly. It is to be a working mom, even when we're only working part time. There is always that worry in the back of your mind that the kids might need you and then you have to figure out a way to juggle it all.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't even mention trying to keep up with the housework, laundry, cooking, and friends, etc.
Being a mom and working outside the home is tough no matter which way you slice it.
P.S. I'm at work right now waiting for the students to arrive and also wondering how my kids are doing at a different dayhome than usual. Story of a working mom....multitasking!
Totally true. My husband and I have been trying to balance our work schedules to need as little childcare as possible, but this week that didn't work so well... so I've been juggling babysitters and where Sunshine has to be each day. It's stressful. :)
ReplyDeleteI hear ya! That's been my past few days with a sick kid, though not sick enough to stay home, a job that is far more demanding than I anticipated and to which I am the sole responsible one and then being on call 24/7 for work and at home. It is tough.
ReplyDeleteThankfully I was up at 5:30 to get supper in the crock pot so I feel like super woman, and hubby is coming home early to get the kids supper so I can cover my responsibilites at work.
It is hard......
I think perhaps in some respects its harder when you work part-time because you are still the main caregiver. It is VERY tough no matter what but when you do it every day that becomes your routine and you start to not feel that way most days. In addition, you don't have that traditional view of family (which I am not saying is good, but it is what it is). For example, Chris often picks Caleb up from daycare, we do pretty equal housework etc. If Caleb is sick we have taken turns taking off.
ReplyDeleteBUT I think the guilt is 100% there no matter what. And you are right, it is a waste.
A friend had given me the book by Dr Laura called, "In Praise of Stay at Home Moms" (or something like that). Great book if your a SAHM but there has not been a day since returning to work that I don't think of that book and how I am jipping Caleb by working and by him having his Dad be the most present parent in his life!
Hang in there...as you said before soon William will be in school and the seasons will change!