Find My Way Back

Sometimes your responsibilities feel like lead bricks on your shoulders. Yesterday I felt the weight of each brick, heavier and heavier until I could barely stand under them. I wish I hadn't posted yesterday about how we grow in the hard times because I like it better as a theory than a reality. As women, we tend to take on way more than we can reasonably handle, and then feel guilty when we can't manage it all. We all have days where we feel we are drowning in what we have to do. We need air but can't get it without letting someone down. Everywhere I turned yesterday I felt like I couldn't give what was required of me, until the last commitment was done and I let go of some of the tension with a good old fashioned bout of tears.

This morning I feel physically sick and emotionally exhausted. I see clearly that I must draw a line in the sand, mark a point where I cannot cross because I don't have the energy to get back. Last night some friends were trying to give to me, kindly offering to help with my kids in the light of a childcare crisis, and even to make the arrangements with them was a herculean effort that felt defeating to me. Negative energy drains us so quickly. It's critical to surround ourselves with as much positivity as we can, because life is hard.

We are always looking for a work-life balance, but such a thing doesn't exist. It all comes down to choices. We choose how we spend our precious resources of time, energy and money. If we sacrifice in one area, we gain something in another. We don't want to buy into the lie that we can have it all. It's not possible. We must make daily choices to enrich the quality of our lives. When stress overwhelms us, it's time to re-evaluate those choices and see what's working and what isn't. Hard choices will need to be made.

My kids come first. It's easy to say but hard to make the priority when so many other demands crowd in. I have chosen to invest in my kids in these precious early years, and I've never regretted the decision. As women, we need the freedom to wave the white flag when we can't manage it all. Ask for help. Say we are hurting and ask for some grace. It's hard to admit. I prefer my superwoman cape to my white flag. I don't like to let anyone down, but when I feel stronger, braver, and more like myself, I'll be able to hold my responsibilities without staggering under them. Maybe that's the key for women - to help those who need it when we feel strong, so that when we are overloaded, someone will step in to fill the gap for us. In the meantime, I'm going to do for myself what I would advise if a friend told me she was feeling the way I am: rest, cherish yourself, take time and get stronger. Easier advice to give than to take, but the effort must be made so I can find my way back.