Anatomy of Friendship

I had a girl's night out yesterday with some relatively new friends. We were all looking forward to escaping our houses and kids for a few hours of conversation and laughs. We planned to go bowling and out for dessert and drinks, but when we got on the road, fog had closed in so tight we couldn't see an inch in front or behind us, so decided to stay in town and go to a local restaurant instead. It didn't really matter what the activity was, we were all just happy to be out and together.

What draws us to some people as friends and repels us from others? Some of it must be personality, and I believe proximity plays a large role, but there is a mystery affinity to certain people which makes us feel connected and comfortable, without any real effort on our part. It's so satisfying to sit with a group of women and have conversation ebb and flow naturally, with every person taking equal part. Last night we had laughter, personal stories, worries, encouragement and many common points of identification as we shared our lives with each other. In 3 hours there wasn't a moment of silence where the 5 of us couldn't think of something to say. That's friendship in its purest form.

I find it difficult to chart the path of friendship; to locate the exact moment someone ceases to be an acquaintance and becomes a friend. I remember vague instances along the path of friendship with the ladies I was with last night, but no one real moment stands out. It's just piece by piece, coffee by coffee, park play date by park play date, and suddenly you call the person a friend. It's always an extraordinary phenomenon.

Friends add so much to our lives. In this Facebook age of 400 electronic friends, our expectations of friendship tend to be different, but it's important to differentiate between acquaintances and friends. You can only manage a small number of true friends at any one time, between your family and work commitments, and friendship takes time to bloom and mature. Like everything in our lives, friendships have seasons where they grow and when they fade. Accepting this goes a long way to feeling satisfied.

We can't really be friends to 400 people on Facebook. It's simply not possible to spread yourself that thin. But we can give of ourselves, at certain times in our lives, to a handful of people who will enrich our lives and add colour to our daily existence. In small-town life, there is a tendency toward jealousy with friends because to some degree, we are all sharing each other's time and company. I think if we open our hearts to each other, accepting that there is room for everyone, it will make our friendships sweeter and more enjoyable all around.