Tuesday, August 24, 2010


William is slowly responding to the new approach I've been taking with him. I'm offering him more of myself, as much as I can give, and after a rocky initial adjustment period, he appears to be relaxing into my attentions and affection. I think that the trust in our relationship bank was becoming depleted, and I needed to make some deposits of myself so he felt safer.

Sometimes it's very hard for me to give what I don't want to give. I think I'm trying to teach a lesson, or help him be independent, but then I realize that I've gone about it backwards. A huge part of parenting is giving when we don't feel there is anything else to give. We are exhausted; physically, emotionally or spiritually, but then we dig deep and discover there is still something there, tiny as it may be, to grab hold of and give.

When we try to hold onto this energy for ourselves, it seems to vaporize into thin air, but when we give it away, we find our own good spirits restored. This transaction amazes me every single time. So often I need to look at myself critically and honestly in order to find out what is really going on within my soul. I think I know, but until I'm willing to be brutally honest with myself, and admit that what I'm doing isn't working, I can't progress and effect positive change.

I know for a fact that I must stop parenting William for all of the things I fear he will become, and start seeing him as he is, loving and embracing his strengths and his weaknesses, and go forward with a more positive outlook. Doing anything because you are afraid of a bad outcome is not an effective strategy. I want to set a goal, and work toward it with positive action, not negative fears of what could materialize.

We parent our young children, and we are in charge, but our relationship is what will guide us through the teen years and the adulthood years. I want it to be a positive one, where my kids know they can count on me 100 percent to have their backs, and they can talk to me about anything, and at a certain point I will transition from their parent to their coach. I don't want to judge my children, any more than I want to be judged. I want to love, and embrace, and accept. I want to guide them toward something, not away from something.

It's a small mental shift, but a huge epiphany in the way I teach and train. Every day, we talk together and use moments to drive home points that I want them to learn, and I must remain open to the lessons that they will teach me. I'm guiding them toward behaviours and attitudes, not away from them. It's a positive approach, instead of a negative one, and I'm eager to put this change into practice, and see where it takes all of us.

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