Wednesday, August 25, 2010


I'm really not a fan of golfing. I'm not sure why it constantly rubs me the wrong way, except that it does. Possibly it's my cheap nature, flaring up because I consider the green fees and the cost of the cart rental, and even the beer and appies in the clubhouse after the game, to be ridiculously expensive. Or it could be the child care aspect, where I always suspect that any time I take away from the kids will be less than what Jason gets when he goes golfing, because it always seems to turn into an all-day endeavour.

In my rational mind, I recognize that Jason works hard to support us financially, and he deserves some leisure time for himself. The problem is that I am rarely in my rational mind when it comes to these things. Usually I become resentful, and angry, and demanding, none of which makes me look or feel very good about myself as a wife.

I'm working on letting go of my rage against golfing. I'm willing to go golfing with him in the future, when we might have more money and time, but for now it's part of his job, and the allure of the game is something I simply don't possess. My competitive nature creeps into the process, and I know I don't want to begin playing with him when he will be so much better than I am. He'll say all of the right things, and encourage me, and I will smolder away in silence, proverbial steam pouring from my ears.

I keep hoping that someday these darker parts of my personality will vaporize, and I'll become the nice person I keep hoping is buried deep inside. I watch other wives with their husbands, kissing them and wishing them a great golf game, and I wonder if they are faking their enthusiasm, or if they are just much better and kinder people.

I think all I can do is keep trying to be rational and understanding, and apologize for the times I fail and slip into my nasty and resentful attitude, the one that comes so easily to me. I have to recognize why I get so moody when he goes off to enjoy himself for a few hours, and trust that he will come back refreshed and renewed. When we are on vacation as a family, I guard that time jealously, partly as a break from my full-time child minding duties, but also simply to be together without his Blackberry ringing every two seconds or his laptop screen glowing and demanding his attention.

Maybe when he goes golfing I worry that he is choosing that sport over me and the kids, but I have to recognize that he enjoys golfing in the same way that I enjoy shopping or going to a movie with a friend: simply to get away from the kids and regular life and just be myself for a few hours. Recognizing that this leisure time is important for him and is not a rejection of me, might be the first step to supporting him instead of fighting him on this topic.


  1. I cant help but to laugh. Chris and I have the same situation but a different vice. His is computer games. We have had some BITTER drag out, knock down moments because I get the same way the minute he speaks of, thinks of, or looks at video games! We have only had a handful of real fights and they have all revolved around this!

    My logical self knows I over-react but it brings everything bad in me out and I know I am being irrational about it as I start fuming.

    It has gotten a bit better since I have analyzied it a bit and realized:
    1. I was jealous that he would spend hours in front of the computer playing games and there were things I wanted to be doing but couldnt
    2. It made me feel like it was more important than me because he knew how much I hate the game, and yet, he still played it!

    Now that he works totally strange hours he just plays during Caleb's naps while I am at work so I can pretend he doesnt play it :) And he has also been good at giving me pretty much as much time away from home as I want and thus it makes him spending time away from us easier.

  2. Those other wives? They are just much better and kinder people.


  3. Jan, you seriously crack me up. It hurts a little because it's probably true, but I strongly suspect a lot of fakery must go on for those understanding wives...

    And Cortney, it's good to know we are not alone with these marriage struggles. I'm glad you've been able to work it out so you are both reasonably satisfied and not arguing. I've come a long way with my golfing rage, but I still find it hard to be gracious and loving about it.

    Jason read my post and got quite excited. He said, "Great, so now you are going to be more understanding when I go golfing?" I told him, "I'll do my best, that's all I can do." :)

  4. I took the "if you can't beat 'em join 'em" approach. I took some group lessons with a couple of girlfriends and bought clubs last year. I still can't fathom going for 18 holes but now we enjoy the par 3 9 hole courses together every once in awhile. At this point I can't say I LOVE it (I start to get bored around the 7th hole), but I do like it and hey, we even held hands on the course last week; it is very romantic.

  5. Welcome to my blog, Karen, or at least welcome to commenting!! Nice to have you here. I'm impressed by your willingness to take golf lessons and get clubs (Jason has been saving his old clubs for that moment when I decide I want to take up the sport) and go golfing with your man.

    Maybe it's like fine wine and you must develop a taste for it over time? Here's hoping, anyway... :)