Thursday, August 12, 2010


It's hard to know when to take action and when to do nothing. Sometimes it's clear to me, when a pressing need emerges and I know I need to do something, but other times I dither and wait, hoping for a miracle cure to present itself. Usually situations don't resolve properly by not doing anything. Some action or reaction is required.

I think the problem here is the responsibility inherent in being an adult. As children, we rely on our parents to make the decisions for us, and to be responsible for every aspect of our lives while we play with toys, read, watch TV and jump on the trampoline. An aspect of that carefree living carries through into our adult lives, and once in awhile I really want to regress and have someone else take action.

It doesn't work that way. I am now fully responsible, not just for myself, but also for my two children. Throwing up my hands and waiting for the cavalry to arrive is a fruitless exercise. Perhaps the time has come to grow up a bit in my wish for things to be easy, and clear-cut, with a flashing arrow to point me in the direction I should go.

I have to make my own way in this world. I know I'll make mistakes (I know this because I've made many already), but I also know sometimes I'll get it right. A friend commented on one of my recent posts that parenting is essentially a trial and error process, where you aren't really sure of anything, and to some degree, all of the decisions we must make in life are the same.

I do rely on the still, small voice of God, through my conscience and awareness, to guide and direct me when I have absolutely no idea where I am or where I'm going. I have found that voice to be reliable and true, but the problem is that I never know when it's going to speak to me. In the middle place, when I don't have any clear direction but several options are open to me, is where I struggle.

Having the freedom to make mistakes is critical for me. The best decision I ever made was to shed the coat of perfectionism I wore for most of my life. I wish I'd have left it by the side of the road years before I did, and even run over it a few times with my car, because it was choking me and preventing me from moving forward. Without that coat, my decision-making process is much easier, because failure is a viable option, and one I can learn a lot from.

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