Tuesday, June 1, 2010


It's the first day of June, and the last month of Grade One for Ava. She has blossomed this year, from a little Kindergartner into a bona fide kid. I thought her transition between 5 and 6 was astonishing, but the one between 6 and 7 has taken my breath away.

She has opinions and ideas and isn't afraid to share them. She goes in her room and reads Geronimo Stilton books for hours on end. She is fascinated by American Girl dolls and pores over the catalogue and magazines, marking the ones she wants (she's lately stepped up her chores, clearing our plates like a waitress before we are even done eating, and then sweetly asking for an increased allowance). She is becoming her own person right in front of our eyes, and I'm inspired by her process of growing up into who she is going to become.

It's also the first day of the last month I am working at my part-time job. I have three weeks left and I want to soak up everything there is left to learn. This school year has created me as a writer; proved that I do have the discipline deep inside me to write every day and keep at it even when the words aren't coming.

I've challenged myself and found I was up to the challenge, and now I'm taking a leap of faith that when my time is my own again, I will continue to be disciplined to work and not laze about. When the alarm went off this morning I thought about how summer is coming, and how glorious it will be not to make school lunches each weekday, and how we can all enjoy a quieter pace in the mornings.

I expected to feel some anxiety that I may not write when I don't feel pressure exerted on my time, but that fear had vaporized. I have a ridiculously unshakeable confidence in myself right now, and I know it won't last forever, but while it's with me I'm going to root it deeply in my spirit and pray it gets me through the hard times when the words don't flow so easily.

What good are dreams if you don't put action behind them? I believe that my years of dreaming have led me to this magic time of turning my ideas into something marketable. I know I wasn't ready when I was younger, or my kids were younger, but I'm ready now, and I want to make the most of it. I want to stake my belief in the ground as a flag that I can point to, and say, "There it is!" Before it actually happens I want to know it's going to happen.

It's a satisfying feeling. I feel like I do after a big meal, and yet I haven't eaten the first course yet, but I can smell it cooking. It's a good season of life, and I want to savour each day as it comes, with all of the joys and pains inherent in each moment. I love June. A time to reflect on the school year that is almost over, and look forward to the fun of summer.

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