Remember Moments

The line between obsession and accomplishment is a very thin one for me. I want to cram so much into each and every day that I end up missing the chance to enjoy myself. We only have one life to live, and sometimes that truth terrifies me into action, but it can be a frenzied action, where I spin like a top in order to succeed.

Last night I tried to look at it from another perspective. It's true that we only have one life, but it's also a fact that all we have is now, this moment, to be with these friends, our children at the age they are at now, and experience these career opportunities. The Italian poet Cesare Pavese said, "We don't remember days, we remember moments." If we are always moving toward the goal but not looking around to enjoy the experiences we have today, we have missed out on the moments that will become our best memories.

I miss Jason being at home in the evenings (he's on a week-long business trip) because he offers me a balance that I can't find easily on my own. Left to my own devices, I go at top speed all the time, until I crash and burn from exhaustion. Leisure is important to create a balanced life. I just get so focused on what I'm working on, and I love sneaking away to write a few sentences here and there, but when it's time to feed the kids or spend some time with them, I find it hard to draw myself back from the writing world I'm inhabiting.

The best part of my day was breaking our "no Wii on weekdays" rule and playing a few games of tennis and bowling with Ava right before dinner. We laughed and teased and William cheered us on. It was fun because it was spontaneous, and I was right in the moment, not wishing to be doing anything else.

I need to work on cultivating an awareness of what I'm doing each day and be intentional with the activities I'm involved in. I don't have to write everything inside of me today. I have to believe that there are more days after this one, and scale my expectations back to a reasonable level, or I'll run the risk of missing out on joy that is all around me. My kids at these ages are changing, every single day, and if I don't fully engage with them, I will have missed this precious stage.