Moving Forward

Yesterday I e-mailed my carefully worded query letter for my screenplay to the first agent on my list. I chose the agency because of their write-up in Writer's Market. They seem professional, they are based out of Pasadena where I lived for six months when I was 19, and they have a typewriter on their website home page, similar to the picture I chose for my writer business cards.

It all felt right. I finished the re-write of my sixth draft and got it printed yesterday so I have 3 brand-new copies, ready to be sent out when requested. I'm surprised at the ridiculous level of confidence that I have for this process. I know that rejection is inevitable, and there will be many ups and downs, but I've turned the corner to walk on this road toward selling my script and watching it become a movie, and there is no going back. I don't ever want to go back.

I recently read Angeles Arrien's famous rules for living. They are:

1. Show up
2. Pay attention
3. Tell the truth
4. Don't be attached to the results.

These rules had the sharp ring of truth for me. They describe the last 18 months when I have been writing regularly, pouring my heart onto the page, and loving the satisfaction the process has brought to me. Now I'm at the 4th stage, and it's probably the hardest one, for I have an idea of what is going to happen with getting an agent and selling my script, but the reality could be vastly different. I have to accept that, and not be too tied up in my own expectations.

Simply allowing events to unfold is hard for me. I think my control issues come from my dad's influence on my childhood. With his bi-polar mood swings and substance abuse issues, he was regularly unreliable, and I came to crave certainty the way an alcoholic craves a drink. As I've grown into an adult, I've worked to build room for spontaneity into my life, otherwise it wouldn't exist anywhere, and I'd be as rigid as a drill sergeant. Part of why I react so strongly to William is because he craves routine as well, and behaves badly when his routine is disrupted, and I see myself as though I'm looking in a mirror.

Today we are heading to Edmonton to have a fun day at West Edmonton Mall. The kids are very excited to see Shrek Forever After, and I want to wander the mall and practice doing whatever we want with no real agenda. Then we are staying at a hotel overnight, and heading to my hometown to see longtime family friends for the day. It will be good to get away as a family and re-connect after 2 weeks of being separated. I want to move forward, with writing and by building up our family. We're on the path; now we just have to walk it out and keep growing, even when it's uncomfortable to do so.