I'm late with my post because I decided to be spontaneous (never a natural thing for me) and go to the zoo for the morning with my mom and my nephew and nieces. It was a bit of a rush to get out of the house in time to meet them because Ava had to sell Girl Guide cookies with her troop at our town's grocery store at 1:45, but we decided to go for it anyway.
It's fun for a person who plans everything to do something unexpected. The kids had a good time (in spite of the trauma William experiences while passing the new dinosaurs that roar and move in the prehistoric area of our zoo) and the adults did too. It was good to walk in the fresh air and get some exercise, while spending time together as a family.
After my bad day on Thursday, I made a decision not to go to bed on any day unless I had written at least 3 pages of my new screenplay. No more excuses. No procrastinating. Three pages is a reasonable target. It got me from point A to point B on my last script, and it will get me where I need to go again. If I put it off, saying there is housework to be done, or that the kids have sucked all of my creative energy from me, I go to bed and know I didn't do what I was supposed to do that day. Everything else will have to wait until I get those 3 pages written.
That decision has turned things around, once again, for my mental state. I feel calmer, positively zen-like compared to the way I felt on Thursday. As women in general and as mothers specifically, we must take the time to isolate what is bothering us when we are angry, and find a solution to the problem. It's a very empowering way to live. We cannot wait for our spouse, our mom, our kids or our friends to help us out. We should do it ourselves. A little self-examination goes a long way. I'm just frustrated that I would let the problem go on for any length of time before taking the time to really look at it. All of the time in between where I didn't write daily was a waste for the goal I'm trying to accomplish.
Beating ourselves up for missed opportunities is a losing game. We have today, to figure out what's wrong and to move forward. It helps to look at our feelings as a barometer to tell us when all is not right in our world. When we are angry and frustrated, something is wrong, and our emotions are trying to tell us to stop and pay some attention. Feeling restless is a good thing because it means we need a change. Life is change; we are not meant to stay in the same place with the same people or we stagnate.
Has something been bothering you and you are just hoping it will go away? I encourage you to take a moment, right now, and think about why you are feeling the way you do. For me, a pen and a piece of paper is very helpful as my thoughts crystalize better through the written word, but for others a conversation with someone may do the same thing, or even just sitting in a silent room and letting your mind wander might accomplish the same "aha!" moment. Isolating the problem and then brainstorming a solution will do so much toward getting you back in mental and emotional balance. You deserve to feel stable and centred, not harried and stressed. Take the time. Think of it as an investment in yourself.