Failure

Why does the sting of failure go so much deeper than the thrill of success? I find success gives me a high, but one failure can so quickly remove the shine on the good things in life, and it requires constant effort to fight against the power of failure to drag us down into the mud and hold us there.

I have had a string of writing successes in the last few months. A short story I submitted to a new online magazine is being published next week, I've been assigned an article for the summer issue of a Calgary magazine, a friend recently asked me to be the staff writer for his new website, and my screenplay is in its 5th draft and down with a friend in LA for another read. The ball is rolling on this dream to write professionally.

I wrote an article on parenting and submitted it to two national magazines. I got the first rejection right away and told myself, "It's normal to be rejected. I don't have a lot of magazine writing experience." Magazine writing pays better than most other forms of short writing, so I was hopeful for the other magazine. To get the second rejection was a bit harder to deal with. I can rationalize it in my brain all day long, about how it's a part of the writing life, blah, blah, blah, but it still has the effect of the wind going out from your sails.

The writing class is similar. We tried it as a pilot project with very low expectations, and found an overwhelmingly positive response, creating extra committee meetings to decide how to meet the demand of writers wanting to attend. Almost everyone from the first classes expressed interest in a second class, but when it came time to register, only 3 are on the list and by Friday I'll decide if it's a go or if we postpone the class and try again in the fall.

Sometimes life is a freefall, from the highest of highs to the lowest end of the spectrum. We soar, and then we fall. It has something to teach us. The important thing is not to take it personally, but to understand that it's part of the process. Achieving our dreams means many bumps along the way. If the road was smooth and flat, we wouldn't appreciate the journey as much as we do when we climb, and stumble, and get to look-out points along the way to turn back and look at the view. I like to see where I've been and how much further I have to go.

Failure and success are not permanent states. They are flexible, coming and going like the tide. I want to enjoy the high times, squeezing every bit of joy from my current vantage point, and ride out the failures, knowing they are passing. Every time you inch closer to your dream, you know you are on the right road. Failures are a part of the process, and they don't define us or hold us down. Only we can do that, and I spent too many years in a holding pattern. Now I want to move forward, day by day, step by step, and never give up.