A Different Perspective

I was tempted to skip our Mom's Group yesterday because the topic was adoption, and I figured it didn't relate to me. I was so humbled by my arrogant attitude when I heard the women share their stories and I realized how little we know about people until they tell us.

One woman talked about deciding to adopt instead of trying for their own children, with the philosophy that there are a lot of kids in the world who already need homes. This amazing family has fostered many children who are apprehended (I'm not sure why Social Services uses that word as it sounds like the kids are criminals) in the middle of the night and brought to their house as a temporary place before moving on. I was trying to imagine the depths of love you would have to access to do that kind of short-term parenting to a terrified child. She said, "From the moment a child comes into our house, no matter how long they are there, they are ours and treated that way. We deal with our own broken hearts after they have gone."

That kind of bravery was foreign to me. I couldn't even conceive of it in my mind, let alone my heart. I found myself inspired by the love people have to give, and ashamed of my own selfish desires for more time for myself instead of thoroughly appreciating the 2 children I have been blessed with.

The other mom spoke about how hard she tried to get pregnant, her long roller coaster of fertility, ending with the choice of adoption. Emotion hang heavy in the room. I looked deep inside and saw the smug certainty that I was able to get pregnant and carry a baby to term. I assumed it as a matter of course, when it is nothing of the sort. It is a blessing, something to be savoured and enjoyed, and I must be conscious of the fact that it is not a gift that is given to everyone. Almost any time a group of women is gathered, pregnancy and birth stories abound, and I have never stopped to think about the woman who feels devastated that she didn't get the chance to experience it.

At the end, the speakers were discussing the challenges and the joys of adoption. One of the moms talked about how hard it is to have someone from Social Services in your house on a monthly basis, marking items on a chart, and causing you to feel judged. I had never before considered that side of adoption as there was no one checking on my house or my parenting before my kids were born. Then when she spoke about the joys, she boiled it down to one sentence that she had trouble choking out through her tears, "The joy is that I got a family."

I will be more understanding in the future of where other people are coming from when I share my birth stories. I'll try to control my cavalier attitude toward the miracle of pregnancy and delivery. I will be grateful for what I've been blessed with, and more sensitive to the pain of others in this very personal arena. I'm so glad I went yesterday, and listened, and changed my perspective on this topic.