Saturday, March 27, 2010

No Such Thing as In-Between

I saw The Blind Side with a group of friends last night for a chick flick get together with plenty of junk food to go around. After Sandra Bullock's Oscar win, I was curious to see her performance. I was really impressed by it. I know the movie romanticizes and simplifies the complex real-life situation of Michael Oher and the Tuohy family, but it worked well for the confines of cinema.

The film absolutely rode on Bullock's capable shoulders. She took a woman who might be hard to like, or easy to love, depending on how sugary/fiery the performance was. Bullock played it straight down the middle, walking the line between kind and fierce. I was amazed at how much I respected and liked her portrayal of Leigh Anne Tuohy, a gun-toting Republican with fake hair, nails and about 2 feet of liquid makeup plastered onto her beautiful face. She could've easily become a caricature, but was instead a woman you respected even if you didn't particularly like her. I was inspired by that.

There was a sign in the locker room during one football scene which said, "There is no such thing as in-between." I loved this saying. There is decision, and consequence. I respect people who are direct in their intentions. There is no sense living in the in-between. Even if you make a wrong decision, you'll learn from it and make a better one the next time. I don't want to live with constant indecision and fear. I want to be strong, and take risks, and communicate clearly with others.

Yesterday was a good day. In the morning, I woke up and reviewed my to-do list, and felt immediately overwhelmed with all of the things I had to do. I wanted to enjoy William's pirate party this afternoon, but knew that I would be stressed if I didn't get some things accomplished as my upcoming week was filling up quickly.

After we took the kids to the Easter Eggstravaganza in our town, I asked Jason to get the kids out of the house and give me at least two hours to myself. He is going to Vancouver for Monday/Tuesday for work, and I'm knee deep in birthday season, having done Ava's party last weekend and William's this weekend, plus taxes, an upcoming stamping event, another Creative Writing class to plan, and a fundraising event to promote (I could go on, but will lose all of you in the mundane details). I said, "I really need some time to myself. I've got too much on the go and can't get it all done with the kids around. Please take them to Costco, all the way into the city, so I can have a few hours by myself."

Being the great husband that he is, he took them without question or complaint. If he calls it an adventure, they will happily go anywhere with him (and the ice cream he fed them at DQ was a selling point as well). In three hours, I bustled all over my house and got most of my to-do list for the whole weekend accomplished, and my state of mind was virtually zen-like compared to how tense I felt in the morning.

What was different about yesterday was my complete and utter lack of guilt. Jason asked me if I wanted to come with them to Costco and Wal-Mart, and I said, "No way!" without any feelings of remorse. I'm making progress. It's not wrong to take time for ourselves.

I was able to go out last night, watch a movie with friends, and enjoy myself because I wasn't stressed. Ditto for this afternoon. I can celebrate my son turning 4 with my whole attention because I firmly said no yesterday, and asked for time for myself. We are not super women. We cannot have it all, but we can have what we choose, and we can lose the guilt when we ask for help.

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