Girl's Night Out

I went for dinner last night with some friends for a girl's night out. It was luxurious to sit and talk with no little ones to interrupt, ask questions, or beg to go pee. We sat and visited with no regard for time while the daddies fed the kids and put them to bed. It felt like a mini holiday in the middle of our regular lives.

We talked about the things that are common to all women: body image, impossibly high standards for our parenting, worries about being judged, concerns that we are making too many mistakes with our kids. We wondered why it is that men can move through life without worrying so much about what people think of them. For women, we often assume that other women are looking at us and measuring us on a scale, and we feel that we aren't scoring high enough. I think in many cases we have a legitimate fear of being judged, because we do tend to compare ourselves mercilessly to other women. "She's thinner, taller, fitter, more organized, she plays with her kids more than I do, she's more successful at her job..." and on and on it goes.

We need to stop shooting ourselves in the foot. This isn't a new thought; it's been said over and over in different ways probably since the beginning of time. But why aren't we improving in this area? Why do we still set ourselves up for failure, even when it comes to our friends? We are not meant to compete with each other. We should be supporting one another. We must guard our words a bit more carefully, especially in this electronic Facebook/Twitter/Blog age. Bragging about our kids's potty training prowess has the tendency to discourage parents who are struggling to complete this massive task. Moms who are legitimately proud of how well their child is doing in school unconsciously damage another mom's self-esteem as her child is reading at a lower level. We need to celebrate with each other in whatever stage we are in, and come alongside to encourage and support when that's what a mom needs.

Last night I realized how powerful words are, and how critical it is to watch mine more closely. When women appear confident on the outside, it's often masking a vulnerable soft marshmallow inside. We all worry, feel we aren't measuring up on some ridiculous scale that differs for each person, and what a better world it would be if we encouraged each other instead of labeling and judging. Let's lower our expectations, on others and especially on ourselves. We are all doing the best we can. Let's work off that premise, looking for ways to help shore up our own crumbling confidence, and in that process, help the women around us to do the same.