Saturday, April 30, 2011

Stalled Out

I don't think anyone likes the feeling of stalling out, spinning your wheels and feeling slightly out of your depth in what you are doing. I'm beginning to understand that it's part of the process of learning anything new. It must be endured, and you have to push through, in order to get to a better place where you feel more proficient.

There are so many things I want to do for my writing career, but every idea takes time to implement, and patience has never been my strong suit. I have no shortage of plans, but I also value spending time with my kids and my husband, and need to find ways to balance out each hour of every day so I'm not selfishly pursuing my own goals at the expense of my family and friends.

It's hard. There are no formulas, and just when you find something that seems to be working, something comes along to mess it all up and you have to start tinkering around again to find a functional solution. I know in my mind that these stages don't last forever, but my emotions are another story.

Money isn't everything. Time and energy are valuable commodities, and count for something too. The day is rapidly approaching when I won't have any kids at home during the day, and more time to work. The time to cuddle and play and enjoy William's preschool years is right now, and later when I have more time to myself, I don't want to look back and realize that I missed out on what was right in front of me to embrace.

God gives us seasons for a reason. Each one brings something challenging, and something beautiful to enjoy. Each season is radically different from the others, and so it is with life. We have time, if we will be patient enough to take the long-range view. In our frantic North American culture, we want everything now. The idea of pacing ourselves is foreign and strange, but I am trying to live within my means, and that includes my choices for how I spend my time.

I need to be less concerned with what others are doing, and build up my confidence in myself. We are all on different journeys, and move at varying speeds, and will produce unique results. My self confidence cannot be attached to what other people are doing, or I'm sunk before I even begin. Just because I see opportunities, doesn't mean I'm able to pursue them at this time. I'll stick to my plan, and look for ways to believe in myself and my abilities, and work on being happy for others at whatever stage they are at without making comparisons to what I'm doing.

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