Friday, April 29, 2011

Spring Break

Ava is on spring break this week, and I've thoroughly enjoyed the break from regular routine. I love that I'm learning, on a daily basis, how to offer myself permission to relax and unwind. I have luxuriated in it, like one does in the scented steam of the spa. It's a feeling which goes deep into the core of who I am, and nests there, finding a place to become part of me, and I'm discovering that it belongs there.

We have enjoyed days of doing nothing, and days of memorable activity. In the middle of the week, Jason had to go to Edmonton for work meetings, and I asked if we could come along to go to West Edmonton Mall during the day. It was one of the first times that I've done something like that with the kids on my own. Jason has always been part of these activities, and of course we like it more when he is there too, but as part of my increased confidence in myself as a person, a wife and a mother, I wanted to stretch out on my own.

It was like a dream to get up in the morning, get myself ready, be sure the kids were dressed, throw a bottle of water and a few granola bars into my purse, and leave. No diaper bags. No strollers or wagons. No equipment of any kind. Just us. Jason dropped us off at the mall, and we puttered around, with no specific agenda, doing whatever we felt like doing all day long.

I had so much fun with my kids. I had invited a few friends from the area to come join us for the day, and for various reasons no one was able to come. Although I missed the chance to catch up and visit, I recognized that if I had been with my friends, I would have talked to them and not to my kids. I'm glad it worked out the way it did. The three of us enjoyed each other's company, and when we bumped into friends from our town and spent some time in a group, it was an unexpected bonus in the middle of a really great day.

Jason joined us when he finished his meetings, and we had dinner together on Bourbon Street, bringing back a lot of memories for me as a teen and young adult, spending time with friends in the new mall. So much has changed since then, but so much of me has remained the same, and I loved connecting with myself again in that familiar setting. Everything felt similar, and yet so different, all at the same time.

That's how life is. It never stops changing, but at any given time, we can connect with who we are, and access who we used to be, and look ahead to who we are becoming. There is a glorious sense of continuity to this life, if we have the eyes to see where the dots intersect and connect. It's beautiful, and stirring, and I'm glad I got to experience that special day with my kids at this exact stage in their development.

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