On Boxing Day, we picked up the Back to the Future DVD trilogy to watch with the kids. I saw the original in the theatre when I was twelve years old and it was one of the key movies to spark my imagination and love for cinema as a child. I responded to the creativity of the story and the sophisticated humour. I remember thinking about the movie for weeks after I saw it, and was excited to share it with my kids.
We settled down after a swim and dinner last night to watch it with Jason's parents. Ava laughed in all of the right spots, and we enjoyed explaining some of the finer points of life in the 50's to both of the kids. I saw my joy as a twelve year old, seeing this movie for the first time, reflected in the face of my almost-eight year old daughter. I felt like I was riding a wave of happy sentimentality last night, and I love that my kids are old enough to share some of these memories with them.
Parenting is filled with many highs and lows. Often I panic that I'm not getting it right, and then other times I bask in the joys of specific moments when it is all going my way, and I recognize that my kids are thriving. Last night I experienced the satisfaction of knowing that I'm writing regularly now, and in doing so I'm finally accessing a big piece of my purpose for being alive. In a very real way, I'm going back to my own future, and I can see that I still have time to accomplish what I have in my mind to do with my writing, my kids and the rest of my life.
For so long, I had a dream but no real foundation under it. Now I'm building that support system, brick by brick, and in testing it out I'm discovering I can put a little weight on it. There is enough substance there, but I can also see that I don't have to build it all at once. Raising my kids and pouring into them at each stage is important too, as is building up my marriage, and investing in my friends and family.
Life is about moving pieces. For some of the summer and all of the fall, my pieces weren't jelling and I felt disconnected and off-balance, but what I learned in that difficult time is helping me now that everything is falling back into place. Life is about seasons, and coordinating our past, present and future all at the same time. It's about acquiring one skill and figuring out how to add it in to the other skills we possess.
For this moment, I'm so grateful for what I have learned and what I am currently learning. I know I don't have to understand everything today. I can keep working on myself for the rest of my life. I have the time. Today I will focus on what is in front of me, and do the same thing tomorrow, and for the rest of my days. I feel ridiculously hopeful right now, and I'll soak up what I can to sustain me for when the hard times come.