Sunday, September 26, 2010

Emotional Process

Emotion is hard work. Walking through it is a bit like making your way through a bog, with mud in your boots while wearing a soaking wet jacket. It's exhausting, but there is no way around it, only through it. I find myself wanting to process things quickly, moving on to the next item on my agenda, but sometimes emotion has a way of working us over slowly, teaching us a variety of lessons if we are willing to actually learn them.

Pain is an exceptional instructor. It hurts us in order to change us; remaking us in a new mold, and this process is never easy. I have a feeling that this season in my life is going to yield great rewards in time, if I will be patient, and as I learn new and better ways of functioning in this world, I hope my writing is a beneficiary.

I long to be honest about everything. This tends to be uncomfortable for some people, and causes friction in my relationships. I'm learning slowly to move past these worries and fears. My writing is of no use to anyone if it's not based on truth and vulnerability. I've read writing that talks down to me and preaches at me, and I'm not interested in reading that or writing in that mold. I want to search for what rings true, experience it to the best of my ability, and then describe it in the hopes that someone else can find themselves and be encouraged.

I think it will take me a bit of time to really work through what is being planted in my soul right now. This is the broken part, where it looks like shambles, but out of the dust and devastation, something beautiful and true will arise. I've seen it before and I look forward to it happening again. I have to trust that the words will be there when I need them, because right now it's a bit too raw, and I need to walk a little further down this road to develop my confidence in myself before tackling these thorny subjects.

Progress in any form is encouraging to me. I feel bruised and scraped, but I can sense the beginning of the healing process, and I believe it's all going to work itself out. For now, I'll use my "Keep Calm and Carry On" mug that was a present from a lovely friend who reads my blog, and I will follow that advice, for that's all any of us can do when we've been knocked around a little and are struggling to find our way back home.

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