Wednesday, June 29, 2011

First Day of Summer

Today we officially head into summer. School is finished for Ava, William's preschool graduation was last night, and all recitals and wrap-up events are completed. June felt like a marathon run, and I'm so ready to turn off the alarm clock and simply unwind and relax.

This will be the first summer of my adult life where I can enjoy leisure without feeling guilty. I have worked hard to move past that sense of anxiety when I'm not racing around accomplishing something all of the time. Part of it is getting older, and going back to counseling to talk through some of the things which have held me back in life, and recognizing that my value is in who I am and not in what I do or produce.

I have definitely been relaxed before, but only as a reward for crossing a hundred things from my to-do list. Now I want to be more reasonable about what I hope to accomplish in any given day or week. I'm trying to slow down and enjoy what is in front of me, realizing that I will have more time in the future when my kids are older and in school, to be able to pursue all that I want to do with my life.

I'm tired of rushing and regretting all that I don't have time to do. This summer I'm changing my expectations, and offering myself permission to unwind, make memories with my kids, and have a little playtime and fun. I hope to find a little time each day to write, but I won't stress about it like I have in the past. I'll make leisure a priority, and not apologize for it, to myself or to anyone.

It's going to be an experiment, but one I'm eager to try. Now that my kids are 8 and 5, I can do more spur-of-the-moment things with them. There are no more diaper bags, or strollers/wagons, or naps. There is just us, and what we might feel like doing on any given day. My confidence has really improved in this area too, as I used to need Jason to come with us to the beach or Calaway Park, but now I know for sure I can do it on my own, and that's a wonderfully independent and freeing feeling.

Hello, summer. I've been waiting for you.

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